I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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