yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
