No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
