This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
