so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
third nipple confirmed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
