just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
