i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
love makes seman taste better
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
