I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
