I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
