I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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