I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
