could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
