And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize