I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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