we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize