a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
