I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
