can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize