I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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