these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
