You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
