Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
