she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
