I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
