He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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