there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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