Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
