Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
