He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
