kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize