you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
