my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
