Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you inspire me to be a worse person
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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