I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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