Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
