The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
