I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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