trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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