so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
