There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
