So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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