She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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