I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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