i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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