Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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