youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Randomize