I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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