I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
