lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
