It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
