At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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