Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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