You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
