make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
