We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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