would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize