Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
