my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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