I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
