Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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