final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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