I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
