At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
its liver damage thursday
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize