Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
