Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
