I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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