I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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