I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
