I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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