i think my mom watched the whole time
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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