Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
